


In Control, and Falling Apart

by pmw



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Crystal Gems (Steven Universe) - Freeform, Episode: s03e15 Alone At Sea, Mental Breakdown, Steven Universe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26660068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pmw/pseuds/pmw
Summary: Malachite returns, and has a few things to say.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	In Control, and Falling Apart

Jasper had begged Lapis to fuse again, and had gotten increasingly frustrated at the rejection. Surely the only reason Lapis would reject her because Rose has gotten into her gem and manipulated her.

Jasper could feel the rush Lapis felt when she dragged her under the ocean, when she was fighting against her, when she decided the name for their fusion. The only reason why Lapis wouldn’t want to feel that way again, was because of Rose.

“I’LL SHATTER YOU.” 

As Jasper began to run towards Steven, Lapis attempted to manipulate the water below her to protect him.

Instead, she felt herself being dragged forward. When Lapis threw her body back, Jasper fell onto her stomach a mere foot away from Steven. 

She started to panic as she felt her form being dragged backwards. She couldn’t feel chains around her wrists or ankles, but she panicked as if there were.

Lapis let out a high pitched scream as she felt her gem tingle. She tried to pull herself away from Jasper, as Jasper tried to dig her fingernails into the wooden deck below her.

Lapis looked down at her arms and panicked as she began to see her arms lose their colour.

Neither of them could hear Steven screaming, asking what was happening.

Both of their gems were glowing, and white light was spreading over their forms. They were being pulled towards each other by some force neither of them could identify, but felt awfully familiar.

Lapis’ foot slipped, and she could no longer hold herself back. Jasper felt her body twist until she was on her back.

Their legs touched, Jasper pushed herself onto her elbows as she sat, still trying to push her body away from Lapis.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?”

Lapis put her arms in front of her face, shielding it from Jasper, only for Jasper to grab her hand. Their eyes locked.

“Maybe we’re both monsters.” Jasper’s voice barely came out a whisper.

They lost what little control of their bodies they had left. Their fingers interlocked, the remaining of their colours mixing into each other, before the white light took over. 

They both looked terrified. They didn’t know what what happening. Their light merged and began to expand.

They were... fusing?

Clawed hands began to force themselves to form. The light quickly sunk into the water, before it got the chance to settle on its colour.

Steven ran over to the deck of the boat, and peered over the side. “LAPIS!”

He watched them completely emerge themselves. He could see a pool of light under the water, but he couldn’t tell if it was growing bigger, or splitting apart.

He gripped onto the side of the boat tightly, as he stared at the water. The light dimmed, until he couldn’t see anything glowing under the surface.

Steven thought he could see Lapis swimming towards him- she must have broken free. He felt his stomach drop, when the gem swimming towards him was too big to be his friend.

He jumped back as the clawed hand emerged from the water and grabbed onto the boat. Another hand emerged, and began to push down onto the boat.

Steven’s vision tinted pink, as his bubble formed around him.

Malachite pulled her head of out the ocean, gasping for hair. Water splashed onto the boat, luckily she hadn’t pushed it down enough to sink.

She was breathing hard, coughing up water. Her breaths sounded strained, she had bags under her eyes. She was looking into the water, horrified by her own reflection.

“Jasper! Let her go!”

Only her eyes moved. All four of them focused on Steven. Malachite went to growl at the child, before she gagged.

She gripped the sides of the boat as she hurled forward, struggling to keep her halves together. She looked like she was going to throw up.

“Jasper isn’t doing anything.”

Steven took a worried step back. Malachite sounded... different. “L-lapis?”

The fusion grunted, possibly in pain. “You know that’s not how fusion works, Ste-human.”

“M-Malachite!?”

She looked so tired, and distracted. Like what she was doing right now, wasn’t her main concern.

“I’m going back to shore.” Malachite let go of the boat, and began to swim around it, hoping she was remembering the way to land.

She change of the water under the boat knocked Steven over. The bubble popped as he hit the deck. He ran to the other side of the boat, screaming after Malachite.

“Wait!” Steven panicked. He couldn’t figure out how to stall her. “Why aren’t you trying to hurt me?

Malachite looked back at Steven. Her eyes were glazed over, tears beginning to prick in their corners. “Do you really think I wanted any of this?”

Steven yelled at the fusion to come back, but it disappeared under the water.

Greg came running out. “Steven! Are you okay? Where’s Lapis?”

Steven began to look frantic. “DAD!” Steven ran up and hugged his father.

He had forgotten about Greg in the engine room. “We have to get back to shore dad! And fast!”

Greg began to really worry by his son’s tone. “I- the engine- Steven?”

Steven looked up at Greg, he had a bruise on his head. “Dad- are you okay?”

“I just hit my head. It’s fine.” Greg tried to brush it off, even though he had just blacked out when something fell on him in the engine room minutes earlier.

“I’ll use my healing spit! I’m sorry but- we just rest need to hurry. I have to warn the Gems.”

...

When Steven eventually got back to shore, he left his father at the dock to deal with the paperwork. He had no idea where Malachite was going- she said to the shore, but which one.

Lion had been waiting for him- it was like he knew. Steven was just thankful Lion was there. “We need to find Malachite. Please, can you take me to her?”

Lion’s eyes glowed as he roared. Steven held his mane tightly as the pink animal jumped through his portal.

When they came out the other end, Steven couldn’t see anything other than the beach house. “Home? Lion, why-“

A large hand crashed into the sand beside them, Lion pushed Steven to the side.

“How is she back? Why is she back!” Pearl was frantically holding onto one of Amethysts whips.

“I don’t know! But that doesn’t matter right now. Amethyst, I need another whip.” Amethyst grunted as she summoned another whip, she looked exhausted. 

The whip flopped out of her gem with a thud, she almost lost her footing as she kicked it over to Garnet. 

The trio were trying to hold Malachite down, Amethyst’s whips acted as rope. They struggled to keep hold of everything as Malachite grunted, trying to escape.

“URG, CUT IT OUT!” The gems stiffened for a moment, before tightening their grips and pulling harder to immobilise the fusion.

“Why does she sound different!?”

Garnet grunted as she summoned her gauntlets, to pull on the whips she had in her hands. “Pearl, that isn’t important right now!”

Malachite was squirming under the restraints. The ocean brushed against one of her hands as she tried to pull back. She began to hyperventilate. “STOP! I DON’T WANT THIS!”

Steven jumped off of Lion, and ran towards his family. “Guys!”

“STEVEN!” The gems spoke in unison.

“What happened? I thought you were with Lapis! How the heck is Malachite back?”

“I was, Jasper came back, and they argued. She wanted to fuse again, but Lapis said no, and then something happened- it was like Malachite forced herself back!”

The gems gasped in horror. They knew gem shards could be forced together, but they’d never heard of a fusion forcing itself into existence. The whips went slack, only for a second, but that gave Malachite the chance to wiggle free.

She pulled back, and slammed a hand down next to Amethyst on the sand. The whips dissipated as Amethyst fell over. The sudden fright made her form give in to her exhaustion.

Malachite clawed her hands into the sand, taking a few paces back, before she collapsed onto the beach.

“Guys wait! She didn’t try to attack me- we still have to be careful, but I don’t think she wants to hurt us.”

Pearl pushed herself between Steven and Malachite. “No, Steven. You can’t-“

Malachite groaned into the sand. She pushed herself so that she was somewhat in a sitting position.

She held a pair of hands over her chest. “Nobody wants to hate existing.” Another set of hands began to claw through her hair. “I tried so hard to enjoy everything, but honestly, they make me so miserable.”

Garnet looked horrified. She willed her visor away, and took a shaky breath in. She put a hand on Pearl’s shoulder, guiding her towards Steven. 

“Tell us who you’re talking about.”

Malachite pulled her hair, and slammed her fists into the sand. Her middle set of hands gripped tighter onto her manifested clothing on her chest.

Her voice was strained, it went to a higher pitch either of her halves would normally use.

“Lapis... Jasper. I mean, at least Jasper wanted me- but her gem isn’t in the best condition right now. Physically she’s fine, but she’s messed up. That’s my fault.”

She groaned in pain, as she dug her claws deeper into the sand. 

“Lapis wants nothing to do with me. She wants to forget I ever existed, and pretend that what happened never happened. Her guilt is eating her from the inside out, but she also doesn’t want to face any consequences. She never wanted to face Jasper again, and certainly never wanted to be me again.”

The Crystal Gem’s best bet was to try and deescalate the situation. Garnet motioned for everyone to stand behind her. The gems summoned their weapons, ready to defend themselves, but Garnet did not.

Instead she took a few steps forward, and lifted a hand to her temple where she would usually shift her visor. She tried to chose the path with the best outcome.

“Malachite, try and control yourself.”

“WHY SHOULD I? My entire existence has been torment. My halves constantly battling each other until their light is so weak they feel like they’re going to crack, just to start it all over again the next day. I came into existence, just for someone else to be in control, and drag me to the bottom of the ocean.”

“Bad things happening to you, doesn’t mean you can to do bad things to others.”

Malachite couldn’t hear Garnet trying to reason with her. She moved the hands on her chest to her stomach, and her sandy hands to her chest.

She groaned again, tears beginning to swell.

“Neither of them consider me. They just wanted to fight you guys, or trap the other, or be stronger. They don’t care about me, they only care about themselves.”

She screamed as light began to seep through her hands. The gems hadn’t seen the split in her chest until she readjusted her hands to cover it.

Malachite’s form was slowly tearing itself apart- either Malachite was too unstable to stay together, or Jasper and Lapis were working together to unfuse.

“I don’t want to be this way.” She collapsed to the ground again, every set of hands digging into herself, trying desperately to force the split in her body to stitch itself back together. “I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want to be miserable. I don’t want to be anything.”

“Then why are you forcing yourself together?” Amethyst‘s voice cracked, as she shouted her question at the tormented fusion in front of her.

Malachite began to shake her head from side to side. “I forced them to fuse-“ she slammed a fist into the sand “forced their light to merge-“

The tide was rising. It had crept up without Malachite realising. She screamed and pushed herself away from the ocean as it touched her form. She wanted nothing to do with the water anymore.

Garnet jumped back as Malachite slammed into the cliff. Steven quickly formed a protective bubble around his family, who had all jumped near to protect him.

Malachite had put a large dent in the cliff by the beach house. She shook the rock out of her hair, and looked down at the Crystal Gems.

Her chest rose and fell quickly as she hyperventilated. She waited until she was in control of her breathing to speak.

“I just want to stay me, only long enough for both of them to know.” She was still trying to keep her form together, as if covering the light escaping her separation would make it go away.

Steven grabbed Garnet’s leg, and lowered the bubble. “Know what?”

“That I hate them.” As she breathed in, she choked on the few tears that had begun to still out of her eyes, rolling down her face. “That they’re bad gems.”

She forced herself to stop crying, only to feel another surge of pain through her body. More beams of light escaped her body, despite the energy she was putting into trying to stop that. She was losing her grip of herself. 

It was hard to stay together when there’s a fight inside you, neither side wanting you to stay anymore.

Malachite wasn’t the same as she used to be. She wasn’t strong, she didn’t want to tear everyone to shreds, only herself. Just not yet... just a few more minutes...

Her eyes focused on Garnet. “It’s not fair. You get to exist because you want to. You get to exist because your halves care about each other.”

Malachite was frustrated at her envy of Garnet. A pair of her hands came up to her face, covering both sides of her head.

The split in her form only grew brighter. She began to cry as the split began to crack over her entire body. Streams of light pouring out as intense as her tears, as each new crack spread.

“Don’t I deserve to be more than a battle strategy?”

She turned away from the gems in shame. Why had she let herself be so vulnerable in front of others?

She could have done this alone, underwater even, just for her halves to hear. But she had specifically sought out somewhere she knew other gems were.

Maybe she wanted others to know how she suffered.

Malachite began to scream, it was a scared, hurt noise. Like an animal caught in a trap. She screamed until the cracks in her form became too deep and too many for her to hold together.

Steven and the gems had to shield their eyes from the blinding light escaping her. In a loud flash, she was gone.

...

The two gems were flung away from each other, as Malachite dissipated. Jasper’s form fell into the water with a splash, as Lapis fell to the sand in front of the Crystal Gems.

“Lapis!” Steven ran over over to her. The others got distracted trying to grab him. 

“Lapis, are you okay?” Lapis didn’t move. She crossed her arms, and curled into her knees. Her tears began to wet the dry sand beneath her.

Jasper let herself sink deep into the water. She choked on the water as she swam away.


End file.
